Tuesday, April 18, 2017

My Neighbors

I live in an artsy college town.  I am pretty sure that the majority of people living in my town are either affiliated with the college or have a random crafty skill. The ability to play the harp or maybe glassblowing come to mind. Personally, I am a former college employee turned stay-at-home-mom. I also play the piano and operate a blog, so I fit right in.

My neighborhood is filled with a delightful range of people. There are professionals, hippies, and probably even professional hippies all on one eclectic block.  Here’s what I know about my neighbors…

The Band
The band lives across the street.  The guitar player is the only consistent inhabitant of the home, but at varying times, other band members have lived in the abode. The band is famous.  Locally famous that is.  They play gigs every weekend, weeknights occasionally, and the college students love them. The band even has groupies!  Different girls are at the house all of the time and it is weird.  The band has wild house parties. Every party includes loud music, lots of alcohol, and multiple girl’s hula-hooping in the backyard.   (Hula-hooping is not slang; I literally mean that they are spinning hula-hoops around their waists.) To my husband’s dismay, the band has converted an old school bus into a biodiesel tour bus that is regularly parked in front of our house. The band is nocturnal.  The guitar player usually rolls out of the house around 3 pm, hungover and wearing sunglasses to hit whiffle balls with a children’s baseball bat across his backyard. I don’t get it either. 

I am intimidated by the band.

I have talked to the guitar player exactly once. He actually did the talking, I just stared. His unexpected presence held me in a frozen state of panic.  Our conversation occurred when he snuck up on me at the mailboxes.  He was wearing a trench coat, skinny jeans and a top hat with a 3-foot-tall peacock feather sticking out of it.  No big deal.  He winked, then said with a nod, “Hey darling…” I stared blankly, partially in shock because only waitresses had ever called me darling, and then, “winter is coming, the air is getting crisp, don’t forget to dig up the Cannas in your garden because they won’t survive the winter.”  Then as he walked away he added as an afterthought, “Store your bulbs in the basement. Peace.” Our exchange left me with the desire to use my pepper spray, but also a yearning to chase him and ask for a demo tape.

Bruce is my next door neighbor. Bruce carries a lot of extra weight on his frame which must raise his body temperature. This is an assumption based on the fact that even in winter he is too warm to wear a shirt. Bruce has a wife who he refers to as ‘The Wife’.  I have been living in my house for 7 years and I still don’t know The Wife’s real name. Bruce and The Wife have a small yard, but that doesn’t stop Bruce from mowing his grass on a riding tractor while wearing nothing but cut-off jean shorts.  Bruce talks a lot, and in the years that I have known him he has shared many random tidbits about his life.  I have learned that him and The Wife spend a month each summer living in a campground with an above ground pool.  I know that he has had two knee replacements and that he and The Wife are both diabetic. Bruce and The Wife do not recycle. They have several adult children whom I have never met, but Bruce often drops their names in conversations like they are my best friends.  Things like, “Jimmy’s youngest is 4 years old now, you wouldn’t even recognize him if you saw him.” Which is a legit statement, because I have never seen Jimmy or any of his kids in my life. I always assumed that Bruce and The Wife were gun-toting blue collar employees, or maybe owners of the local Little Caesar’s establishment. 

Last week, I learned that Bruce and The Wife are both pharmacists. This blew my mind.

The New/Nude Neighbors
This couple moved in 1.5 years ago, and it has been 1.5 years since they have purchased a single curtain or blind for their home.  As far as I can tell, they do all of their in-house activities naked. They also leave all of their lights on at night.  Every time I walk by their house I laugh like a third grade boy. I have seen them sitting on the couch with TV dinners; naked.  Hanging artwork on their walls; naked.  Playing the piano; naked.  The only other fact that I know about the new/nude neighbors is that they order fried catfish and ribs for takeout once per week from the weird diner down the street. They put on clothes and walk to pick up their food. I usually pass them while I run and don’t immediately recognize them because they are clothed.

Sister Mary Theresa*
Sister Mary Theresa is a nun who lives across the street.  I know two things about her. 1) Regardless of the temperature, if the sun is shining, she will recline in the lounge chair in her backyard and read the Bible.  I have witnessed this happening even in 25-degree weather. 2) She is a nun.  I only know this because by accident, I once received her mail.

I have tried to introduce myself to Sister Mary Theresa several times to no avail.  Whenever she sees me walking in her direction, she abruptly enters her house.  I have a couple of theories as to why she is dodging me, but my top theory is that she has mistaken me for a wayward groupie straying too far from the band's house.  Fair enough.

I don’t know much about my other neighbors, which is probably for the best. Maybe one day The Wife will organize a block party and I will have the opportunity to meet more people.  Let’s be honest though, if my neighborhood has a block party I probably wouldn’t be able to make it.  I think I have plans that day.

Do you have a good relationship with your neighbors?  Do you know your neighbor’s names? What’s the weirdest thing that you have witnessed in your neighborhood?

Enjoy Life!

Miss Nutralicious

*Not his/her real name. Names have been changed to protect MY privacy. ;)


  1. You seriously have naked neighbors?? I've heard stories like that before...but I didn't know real people had neighbors like that. Oh man...that would be hilariously weird. We don't know our immediate apartment neighbors very well...we live across from a Japanese family whose boys sometimes go to the Awana program at our church, and their family is always happy to see us, but they don't speak much English and we don't speak much Japanese, so it's mostly nods and smiles. Next to us is an opinionated grandma who takes care of her three granddaughters during the week. On the other side there's nobody, but then down the hall is an older man who lives by himself and sometimes talks to Angel about how far away all of his relatives are--it really is sad to live all by yourself, it's pretty unusual for people to live alone here. Right next to the elevator is an older couple who always seems to be frying spicy food--you can smell it and hear the bubbling of oil on a regular basis.

    1. Yes, the naked neighbors are weird. I think the band is somehow stranger though, they do some REALLY weird things. Your neighbors sound entertaining too! I don't have any language barriers with my neighbors, that would be tough, and an opinionated grandma could be interesting. I hope she is nice! It makes me sad when old people live by themselves and don't have visitors. That's really nice of Angel to take the time to listen to him.

      In all of the places I have lived, I have always been interested in learning about my neighbors, but in most cases I have also kept my distance. I'd be really interested to know what my neighbors think about me. They probably all think I am so strange. Hahaha!

  2. What the heck?! Nude neighbors??? Do they not know you can see them? I mean, that is just so odd! That band would creep me out.

    I have really good neighbors. Our next door neighbors are a young couple just like us. The house next door to us is empty but the guy who owns it visits it every now and then and says he is going to move in someday (i'm not holding my breath). I have a lot of other good neighbors too. I'm thankful for my neighbors. My husband works really weird hours and I have my neighbors phone numbers and they have told me to call middle of the night if needed. It's nice to have them available and to know if they came to my rescue they probably wouldn't arrive nude. =)

    1. I often ask myself the same question about the nude neighbors; do they know that we can see them? To me it is obvious that if you keep all of your lights on, all of your windows open, and all of your clothes off, someone is going to see that you are naked. However, I sometimes wonder if these particular neighbors are completely oblivious to common sense logic.

      I am glad that you have good neighbors, I have to admit that I have two great neighbors who I didn't mention in this post. One younger couple with a daughter and an older couple with adult children, both are great. It is really nice to have neighbors that you can rely on in an emergency situation, and yes, preferably neighbors wearing clothes.